Boy Wonder: Professional Musician 15

Day 14 - March 25th 2009

http://myspace.com/boywonderrocks

We left the comfort of Glen’s moms house after a couple of nights of relaxations and camp fires and music to play our 4th show on this tour. The ride over was more festive than usual, sharing funny stories of the previous nights. We stopped over at Guitar Center to get a new head for fix Pete’s busted drum from the SXSW Show and it started to rain. I’ve been having such a great time with these guys I literally forgot that it rains sometimes. We hopped back in the car to go to the gig.

We arrived at The Masquerade at 3:30 and unloaded the van, we immediately proceeded to the dressing room, the biggest one of the tour so far. We all had our laptops up soaking up the free wi-fi, we were there for a while and then someone wheeled a cooler full of adult beverages into the room. Ah the sweet taste of free. Bryn mentioned that there night be some food but I had no idea what would be waiting when a gentlemen peaked into the dressing room and said dinner was ready.

The spread was one fit for a king, grilled chicken, mixed veggies, corn and pasta, the sweet taste of free. The itus came over me again as I tried to take nap but people took the couches (curses) so I caught up on my House and Smallville before going out to see Leslie rock out. I know I keep talking about them but these guys are the real deal. Devil Ain’t Ready is a hit record if I’ve ever heard one.

Then finally it was our turn to go up. Due to our lack of vocalists Jason Fox (Leslie Bassist) joined us on stage and rocked out. This was the first show I felt like I had a handle on things. The songs were soundin pretty good and I’m pretty comfortable as far as my movements on-stage. There were some kids near me and I let them sing into my microphone, I was having the time of my life. The coolest part was when the lighting guy turned out the lights when we sang “Lights Out!” in Rock Rebellion. We had a few fans jump up on stage and sing with us as well. People being that into the music is pretty cool

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the post show stuff. The fact that people like this music enough to want an autograph or a picture is really an amazing thing, I’d had some extremely limited experience with it back home but not on this level. The coolest thing were the little kids rocking out and singing a long. I’m not jaded yet and I hope I never become that. They had some fans from the Simple Man Cruise they went on and they all decided that they wished to go to The World Famous Claremont Hotel. The Claremont is a strip club and this would be the first time I’d ever been inside of one….sorry mom.

This place was obviously where strippers go to die. I don’t think any of em were under 55. The first one was about 4’11 230 pounds shakin it like there was no tomorrow geeze. Then a sistah steps up to the stage she definitely seemed a bit more put together from the neck down than the previous one (neck up’s another story) but to be honest I wasn’t sure if she was a dude or not. She danced to hey ya and would stomp her feet every time she felt like the crowd wasn’t into it, how could you be when you look like all to be damned.

So far so good right? It’s relatively harmless, tits poppin out but nothing major, until this country song plays and this bovine of a woman approaches the stage, it was pretty gruesome as she exposes boobs that clearly lost it’s battle with gravity. She takes her booty shorts off and just when I thought I had sufficiently chewed back the puke, this chick gets totally, completely, ass naked, with all her things jiggling in all the wrong places. I needed to go to the bathroom.

I came out and what do I see, some 6’6 chick hittin the stage to shake her shit. Her boobs are sitting up perfectly and she’s got the biggest legs I’ve ever seen. Upon her turning around it was pretty obvious…yeah…Dude. This tranny (with a choker to hide her Adams Apple to boot) is getting more dollars than everyone I’d seen so far. She got naked too (why?!) looks like she had a good surgeon. Someone gave me a dollar to hand to it, I am clearly much to square for this shit

Then they all rotated again (most notably the bovine shaking it to Prince’s I Wanna Be Your Lover, I would have welcomed him coming in with Watchtowers at that point) before (what had to be) the main event of the evening. Another sistah pops on stage in a brown cotton dress, I thought she was a patron, I couldn’t have been more wrong. She gets down to only the glow it the dark writabnd she haqd around her leg to get money (rather resourceful these old strippers are) and she proceeds to do what might be the damndest thing I’ve ever seen. This chick took a beer can and crushed it with her ass cheeks. She put it between her ass cheeks, clapped her as once, and crushed it. Then she turned around and did it again. After a few shots we peaced out and went back to the hotel.

We got Allentown on Friday, the closest show to Philly on this tour. Pretty stoked.